Memoirs

The ‘Aishwarya Rai’ Smile

One sight that can send jitters down my spine even in the most cheerful moods, is sitting in that dentist chair at an uncomfortable 45 degree incline with my mouth wide open. How much ever I dread visiting a dentist, I am always taken for it, almost invariably in my every holiday visit back home. Usually in a 1 week holiday visit at home, it would be a 1 or 2 visits at the dentist for fixing up a new cavity or something. But this time since my graduation was over and I was at home for at least a month the dental visit had to proportioned accordingly, it had to be something BIG…..something more than a mere cavity fix….So there it was…This time I had to get braces fixed up, visit an orthodontist….Braces at the age of 22!!

Now, as to how this idea of getting braces done propped up suddenly? Well, I’ll not hesitate at all in giving full credit for this to my dentist’s proficient SALES AND MARKETING skills.

Once while fixing up a cavity she very conveniently remarked,

“The irregular shape of your teeth makes them very prone to cavities…You should get them in shape, that will drastically reduce the number of cavities in future”

and “yeah…It will also give you that perfect Aishwarya Rai Smile” .

Now Obviously the former caught my mothers attention and the ‘Aishwarya Rai’ part caught mine. That’s precisely how my parents and I fell for this whole braces thingie…

So on the D-Day I entered the clinic and “Wowww!!!” What a warm smile on her face. She greeted me with the kindest possible look and with such genuine polite gestures…. I wonder does she give such a warm welcome to every single patient on their first visit or is it just a more civilized and polite way of saying “Welcome to Hell”

Or rather, she thinks that a polite welcome compensates for the wicked ways in which she twists and turns my teeth later on. Whatever it was, it was just a polite beginning to an absolutely nerve wrecking procedure.

She started off with “Keep your mouth wide open” and the very next moment she had prised my jaws apart. She started operating on my teeth like a construction site…..Hammering, drilling, fixing up wires and metal rings….

And my Civil Engineering aptitude could picture nothing but some reinforced steel bars trying to forcibly erect 32 buildings and suddenly, all the math calculations done by the engineer goes wrong…completely haywire… everything collapses and ……………

The dentist is standing with all my 32 teeth in her hand……

I am shaken up from my deep trance, I open my eyes in panic, take my hands to my mouth and Ohh, Thank God!!! My teeth are still in place…..
That is when I remembered those famous lines by Ogden Nash, ’some tortures are mental….some are physical but the one that is both is DENTAL…..’

Also, another important conclusion that I drew at an early stage of my treatment was that DO NOT BELIEVE the dentist when she says “It’ll just hurt a little”, for every time she says this, it gets deadlier.
Well, when not even a single way was left to further twist, turn or hammer my teeth she said, “That’s it. I’m done”

“Ohh Thank God!!”…..And just when I started recollecting the names of all Hindu Gods and Goddesses and gave a heavy sigh of relief…..the relief that its finally over now and it was ONLY this once……

she said “You’ll have to visit me every month for the next 1 year to get them fixed time and again”

It is then, that the true gross picture of this whole orthodental treatment dawned upon me and I felt like screaming….screaming out loud “NO NO..I don’t want that perfect Aishwarya Rai Smile….please God save me!!!” But by then it was too late…..Just too late to go back, for I was deep into that viscous trap prudently woven by my very own dentist….